Anxiety has ruined my life the last week. I let it win and now I am struggling to fix all the broken pieces.
I suffered extremely badly the past few days, I’ve had panic attacks, acted like an irrational cunt, and was ugly crying worse than Kim Kardashian. I have been in a sea of self loathing and felt the need to push a load of people away because I felt that I didn’t deserve to have people that make me happy in my life. Now coming out of the complete anxiety breakdown and realising what a fucktard I’ve been and now all I want to tell those people “Please come back, I need you around and I’m sorry.” and I need to say that sentence to about 6 people.
The worst thing is I have no idea what brought on such a bad anxiety episode because everything has been pretty good lately. I have the usual inability to sleep a proper night but I’ve had that for a year and a half now. Now, I’ve spent all weekend worrying that I have seriously screwed up some friendships. Just because I had an anxiety breakdown doesn’t give me a free pass to treat people in a crappy manner just because my shit got too much for me to cope with. I think I’ve sent like 1,000 messages apologising to people this weekend which has probably made it worse, just flipped from cunt to needy wanker who is trying to force all the pieces back together.
The only thing I can see that is a positive is how quickly I managed to pull myself back together because if was last year, I would probably still be a self loathing mess for the next 2-3 weeks.
I don’t know if anyone who I was horrible to reads my blog but if you do. I’m truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.