As my time with antidepressants is coming to an end and the battle with depression is over (Spoiler: I won). I decided to reflect on talking about mental illness online.
I wrote my first post about depression on February 16th, 2017. Which you can read here Depression. I had been diagnosed with depression 8 months earlier, though I hadn’t been feeling myself for several months before that.
Writing publicly about my mental health was one of the most terrifying things that I had ever done. I was afraid of being trolled and that people from my town would take the piss out of me. Both these things happened. I was trolled almost immediately on Twitter by a gang of men, every time I blocked one they’d pop up with a second account. I ended up blocking 10-15 accounts. That didn’t deter me.
I kept writing.
I kept writing when people that I had been friends with took to their social media claiming I was faking depression and that people with real depression don’t talk about it.
I kept writing when people would tweet me telling me I should kill myself, called me a depressed cunt, harassed me over suffering with depression, called me attention seeking, and a whole bucket load more. Things you would never say to anyone struggling with a visible illness but since my battle was inside my mind, it obviously just meant I was “mental”. I was sent some of the most vile messages you could ever see.
Through all the shit people threw at me, I kept writing, I kept working on myself, and now I have beaten my depression and I am coming off my antidepressants but I will keep writing.
I will keep writing about the importance to openly talk about mental health.
I will keep writing to show it is possible to beat the black dog.
I will keep writing to show there is nothing weak about seeking help.
I will keep writing to show there is nothing wrong with needing antidepressants.
I will keep being there for you.