I Will Make You My Bitch.
This past week you are making me your bitch but I promise, I will make you my bitch!
95% of the time I handle my anxiety pretty well. I don’t let it interfere with my life anymore. I don’t need to take Rivotril anymore for it. I fucking hated taking that but it was the only was I was able to sleep sometimes and then had the fun of being a groggy mess with the IQ of a peanut the next day.
This week though has been different, I have been unable to sleep for more than a few hours. When I sleep, I have nightmares. I am completely exhausted and all because I can’t switch my asshole of a brain off.
The last few nights I’ve been laying in my bed with my brain going 100 mph. It’s a vicious cycle. My brain races, then I can barely sleep, have nightmares, wake up exhausted, struggle though the day, climb into bed, brain races and repeat.
I end up having what are described as ‘lazy’ days over it, I don’t have the focus or the energy to do all the stuff that I need to get done. Though I have been trying. I have been blogging, cooking, interacting with people and stuff but my head is a jumbled up mess so it’s hard to do. I even managed to fuck up making ice cream….. 5 ingredients and I fucked it up. Though that is kind of funny, how the fuck do you manage to fuck up ice cream!!
Though my head and body are all fucked up right now from anxiety, all I can do is try my best to fight back and keep getting out of bed in the morning so anxiety doesn’t win.